My Little Man

My 3-yr-old son sat with me and watched the entire Oath and Speech of President Barack Obama. He knows who Obama is and the significance of him taking office. My son impresses more and more each day.

May God bless you and keep you, President Obama.

Happy Birthday, Ant!!

My baby turned 2 today. We had an entire weekend of festivities, as I usually do when one of my children has a birthday. On Saturday, we took a tour of the fire station. The kids got to sit in the fire engines, see the tools and gear, and watch a fireman don his full uniform with all components. Even at their very young ages, this tour held their interest. Bean even stated that “I can be a fireman just like him” at the end of the uniform demonstration. I think he might have had stars in his eyes.

Ant was excited and curious, well-behaved and kind. All the things a birthday boy should be. He did not mind sharing his spotlight and patiently waited his turn for all things. After the tour we went home to have a small “party” that really just involved cake/ice cream, gifts, and a glorified playdate in our play room downstairs.

Then today he went and got portraits done; after which we had lunch and games at the mouse’s house that everyone loves (Chuck E Cheese, not Mickey). Although, Ant wanted nothing at all to do with Chuck E when he came out to wish him a Happy Birthday. Can we say FEAR? (but then again, how can you blame him…. A life-sized furry “mouse” getting up in your face might be pretty frightening to you too)

So now my baby is 2. It is hard to believe, but at the same time it seems as though it took him a long time to reach this milestone. For some reason, time is not flying as much as it has with my firstborn. Wonder why that is.

It also seems as though he wanted to wait until turning 2 before trying to talk. This child, who has been largely silent until now, is trying to say everything he hears and then some. Just goes to show what all you mommies out there already know: every kid advances at his own pace. Period.

Happy Birthday, Ant. You are a sweet, precious and charming little boy. You are small, but you are tough.  You are quiet, but you are bright. You are the ’surprise baby’, but you have worked your way into the hearts of us all, and you have established yourself as a child who is very much loved and adored and cherished and valued… and most of all WANTED. You are my baby-aby, my stinka-binka and my ella-font. But most of all, you are mine, and I love you so much – I truly could not imagine our little family without you in it.  Happy Birthday Baby. You’re 2!

Eat Me, Mommy

Sometimes I play this game with Bean where I pretend to be the scary monster/dinosaur/lion. I will stomp around the house, and roar, and chase him to his room. When I corner him, I will grab him, growling frightfully, and then I will pretend to use my mighty jaws and sharp teeth to tear into his neck or his chin or his belly. This, of course, will make him scream with delight. And immediately following, he will yell out, laughing, “Eat me, Mommy! Eat me again!”

Kids.

Cuts (The In-Between Stage)

I am trying to let my hair grow out. Ready for another change… so my cute little pixie cut is gone.  My hair looks like crap every day. It’s too long to wear out. Too short to really style. I end up wearing it in a (small) ponytail nearly every day because it is the only thing that looks halfway decent for work. On the weekends, I don’t really care that my wild hair is all over my head like I just stuck my finger in a socket. That’s not a good look for the office though. Painful process. I might not make it. (Any other time I have tried this, I couldn’t make it 3 months without chopping it off again)

Chameleon (-aka- Snake In The Grass)

I’ve been having frequent dreams of a person in my life who is very close to me. The thing is, this person looks different in every single dream. In fact, sometimes to the level of different scenes within the same dream… so that each time they show up it’s a different appearance. And perhaps the strangest thing is that none of these physical attributes look anything like the way this person looks in real life. Only for this one person though….. Everyone else in my dreams look just like they are supposed to. Even me.

What does this mean?

I have a strong hunch of what that anomaly is trying to tell me about this person. But I would be interested to hear from anyone who knows about dream analysis.

Calamity (First Days Are Flukes)

Well I guess the first day at a new child care center is a fluke. The boys did so well that first day because it was a novelty and felt like one big playdate or something. It seems as though now they realize that I am planning to actually leave them at this strange place – all day, every day.

And they don’t like it.

Bean asks to go back to his “old school” and to see Ms. R______ every morning. Ant? He screams bloody murder when I hand him over to the teacher in his new classroom. It is the same thing that we went through last May, all over again. The same tears, the same adjustment period, the same anxiety and stress.

I have a damn good reason for changing their day care. And I still feel terrible about it.

Conundrum

How is it possible… That I can love my two sons so completely, so utterly, so assuredly.  That I would do absolutely anything for them – lay down my very own life in a split second and without a single thought. That I could love every single piece of those boys, from the thinnest strand of hair on the tip of their heads to the tiniest sliver of a toenail on their pinky toes. That I could be totally accepting of everything they are, all that they have been, and anything they will be…

And yet, have so much animosity for their father? (who is exactly half of those boys, and without whom the true loves of my life would never have existed)

It is conflicting emotion in its truest form.

“Ooh, He’s Kinda Cute”

Agonizing choices. For multiple reasons I have decided to change the boys’ daycare. Their first day at the new place was today. I was a mess, wondering how they would transition. Thinking about them both all day long, hoping the adjustment period was equally short and sweet. It felt like that very first day back in May, when I was completely torn up over leaving my boys in someone else’s care all day long.

The good news – they both had a GREAT day!! Bean’s new teacher even made a collage featuring pictures of him interacting with his peers today. He had Spanish, sensory table, playtime with classmates, and even a picture of him enjoying lunch. I got to bring the collage home which was very special to me. And then there is Ant. He is so outgoing and inquisitive. His teachers said that he explored his new room, ate well, played hard and even napped deeply (trust me, good naps are rare for this kid). They were engaged when I came for them. And they were happy and well-adjusted all evening. Surprisingly enough, the nighttime meltdowns we usually experience didn’t happen today. I hope that this positive energy continues even after the novelty of the new place wears off.

I have to watch out for one little girl in Bean’s class though. As soon as we entered the room, she looked at my son and exclaimed, “Ooh, he’s kinda cute!” …. then proceeded to hug him. I also noticed that in the collage picture of Bean at Spanish class? She’s sitting right beside him. My little ladies man — I am in big trouble.

Addiction

I truly do have a problem: I cannot stop shopping.

It used to be that I had this addiction for myself. I shopped for any reason whatsoever, or for no reason at all. Diamonds, clothes, shoes, cars, leather jackets, Coach handbags, electronics, exotic vacations. The list goes on and on. The only thing that was able to stop me from my extravagant, self-serving spending sprees was the birth of my first child.

I transferred my energies to him.

More clothes than one child (nay, even two children) can possibly ever wear. So many shoes that some pairs only get donned once. Multiple slings and carriers; a stroller for every occasion; the most expensive car seat on the market; two high chairs; three bouncers; four play mats. Unnecessary novelties like Bumbo and Baby Legs and Bilibo. Soft soled designer shoes which actually cost more than the hard-bottom K-Swiss. Portrait sessions, scrapbooks, photo albums, baby memory binders. Enough picture books to fill a small-town library. Stereos, cds, dvds and mp3s. And Toys, Toys, Toys! Age-appropriate baby toys. Too advanced electronic toys. All sorts of educational toys. Ride-on toys to fill half the garage. Board games. GeoTrax. Five million Hot Wheels. Dolls, trucks, trains,  and blocks. Wading pools, trampolines, bubble blowers, balls.

Then I had my second child.

That’s when things really got out of hand.

I think that I have a problem. I used to jokingly say it before, when I spent money on myself all the time. I have probably shelled out $20k over my young adulthood in diamond jewelry alone. Do I regret that? Somewhat. Right about now I can think of a much better use for twenty thousand dollars. And that’s just one category of frivolous spending.

With Christmas right around the corner, I have found that I literally cannot stop buying my boys gifts. I know that this holiday is not all about just getting “stuff”. I know that there are so many people this year who are struggling to even put food on the table, much less provide any sort of Christmas for their children. I feel that it is unbelievably short-minded and ridiculous for me to spend as much money as I spend on Christmas for 2 little boys, ages 3.5 years and 23 months. Utterly stupid. And yet, I honestly and truly cannot stop. Each time I drop another c-note (or two) I tell myself it’s the last time and I am done-done-done shopping for them. Less than three days later there will be another sale and I will be first in line.

I am embarassed to state in this post how much money I have spent on their Christmas this year. I am even more embarrased to admit that after I reached a certain monetary figure I quit tallying a total. It’s like I really don’t even want to know how bad it is. I feel that I have a serious problem and I think that I need help.

May I state two redeeming qualities though? First, and most important, I am buying NOTHING on credit. I am not skipping on bills nor am I robbing peter to shop for paul.  If I do not have the money for a purchase then I just don’t get it (no matter how good the deal and no matter how much it keeps me up at night with longing). Secondly, I made the boys sit down last weekend and go through all their toys to donate very many of them to charity. I sense that these things are just fluff to make me feel better though. Because anyone who knows me also knows that I have a problem. I just don’t know what to do about it, because nothing I have tried on my own has ever worked.

It’s pathetic.

Happy Birthday To Me

The best gifts, in order:

1. Hearing your three-year-old sing Happy Birthday To You.

2. Sleeping in until 11:15 AM.

3. Hanging out with your brother and your best friend like in the old days.